Balance

The other day in my 6am yoga class, we started out balancing on a
cushion. I usually think I am pretty good at balance, as opposed to
flexibility where I am more runner than yogi, and that's putting it
mildly. Standing on that cushion was amazingly hard and I kept
stepping off with one foot as I lost my balance. Less than 10 minutes
in, I gave up, pushed the cushion aside, and planted my feet firmly on
the floor. I glanced around and was surprised to see that most of the
class was still using theirs.

It is surprising, too, to glance around in my life and notice my own
balance. It's easier to notice, of course, when things get shaky and I
keep needing to put a foot down to avoid falling. For various reasons
beyond my control, I temporarily lost the activities I use as props to
keep me upright. No early morning yoga due to sick husband, no weekend
long run due to sick self, etc.

Over the course of a single week, I've watched myself wobble and tilt.
The feelings of inadequacy, overwhelmedness, discontent, and
frustration destroy my fragile peace. I feel unable to keep it all
together. Am I so precariously balanced?

I have to wonder what does this say about me? There are certainly
worse things than missing a few workouts. I need to have what it takes
to face real adversity. How does one shut down that raucous noise in
their head to be able to hear the quiet without a long run?

One of the yoga teachers says, to the group of early morning
perfectionists, 'Practice makes permanent.' Today I am practicing
balance.